Project Management Job listings translator

This is a classic fro PM who are looking for gigs' ! Thanks to   Nick Matteucci for making my Day /evening :)-

Project Management Job listings translator

Job posting says:	What they really mean is:
Competitive Salary	We remain competitive by paying project managers less than our more successful competitors.
Join our fast-paced company	We have no time to train you or send you to PM conferences.  Please introduce yourself to your project team members and co-workers as well.
Immediate opening	The project manager who used to have this project gave notice and left the company a month ago with no information on what they did or how they did it. We're just now running the ad.
Self-motivated	Project sponsors won't answer questions or provide requirements.
We offer great benefits	We'll allow you to fund your own 401(k) if you survive the 3 year project that got the last PM fired.
Seeking enthusiastic, fun, hard working, people	Looking for young project managers with no training, certification, or experience who won't mind our internship-level salaries.
Casual work atmosphere	We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
Dynamic environment	Your project team will be yanked from your project every 3 months or 3 weeks before a major deliverable (whichever happens first)
Fun work environment	Your project team members will be insulted if you don't go out and buy them drinks 3 nights a week.
A drug-free work environment.	We booze it up at company holiday parties and base bonuses on ability to hold one's liquor.
Must be deadline oriented	Your project will be four months behind schedule on your first day.
Some overtime required	Some overtime each night and some overtime each weekend will be required.
Requires team leadership skills	You'll have the responsibilities of your boss without the pay or respect.
Good communication skills.	Management communicates what they want from your projects in vague terms that are impossible to decipher, you listen, figure out what they want and do it under budget and ahead of schedule.